Week 3!

Breakdowns and Breakthru's

Alright, so this week was definitely a doozie. I am so happy that it is behind me and according to my calculations, we are officially 1/3 of the way thru all this! Hell Ya! "They" said that we are no longer in the "counting down the days til we get to leave this place" stage but I beg to differ. I am counting. And every moment of everyday matters.

So the week started off pretty decent, had our first Anatomy test which I Aced with flying colors, actually I am pretty sure Heidi and I were the first two people to finish, and in record time none the less! So that was relieving. Then Posture Clinics started that night...for those of you who have no clue what the hell I am speaking about, Posture Clinics are little hotel suite gatherings with about 40 other students and 3 leaders (teachers) grading you on every move you make (literlally, they watch for how you move your arms, hands, eyes, every movemnt, no joke) and every word you speak as you dictate the dialogue as best you can under the oh so comfortable setting provided. :( Really, it is the most fucking nerve racking thing I have ever experienced. It is intense! I came here with very high standards for myself because I have been teaching, training and coaching for over 10 years now, so in my mind I thought, this is going to be a breeze. I am not affraid to speak in front of people, I am great at telling people what to do ;), I can do this no problem. WRONG! Nope! Nice try Sash! I love how almost every expectation I had coming here has been completely shattered into a million little pieces. Its just lovely. So as most of you know, I am a very driven chick, extreamly competitive and a complete PERFECTIONIST, which has served me many times in my life and has pushed me beyond limits most people would never think to explore HOWEVER here, in this enviornment, it has proven to be my worst enemy. So in the first couple of Posture Clinics, I was amongst the first to volunteer (remember, I am very confident at this point that I can do this with no worries) and as I started to spout out my dialgue, that I pracitised a million times, and knew very well, I came acrossed a point in which I forgot the next line and completely blanked on the rest. I mean completely blank. Which in turn made me very uncomfortable becuase I have never had that happen in all the years of me teaching and truly felt so out of character. I was out of my element and felt out of control, and for those of you who know me well, I like control, A LOT! So once again I got slammed on my ass and fell to the bottom of the sea, I was kissing the coral for sure!

Enter my amazing dad who sent me on my way to Mexico with a card that read on the outside envelope "Open When Needed" and Wednesday night, I needed it! Thank you so much Dad! Your card turned my world back around and I cant even express how grateful I am for you and the words you wrote to me, I love you deeply and am so grateful for you. Thank you Thank you Thank you! So to say the least I needed a turn around and thanks to my strong mind and determination (and the help of some really great friends here) I picked myself up and tried, tried again. But this time I succeeded! I rocked my 3rd posture clinic and nailed it! THANK GOD! I needed that! I knew as soon as I could got over my perfectionism and relaxed into it a bit I would do fine but hell that was a mountain to climb, I tell you what. I learned a lot about myself this week for sure.

Yoga this week kicked my ass too! It was weird, week 2 seemed like we all adjusted, then week 3 it was felt like we were fallen soldiers down again. I dont know. It felt like many people were expereincing break downs, mentally and physically. The torture chamber felt really extraordinarily blazing once again and classes felt like they were lasting days not minutes. It again (like week 1) took all I had to make it thru each and every day until FRIDAY! Friday rocked! Both of the yoga classes were taught by amazing visiting teachers, who kicked our asses but made us laugh more times than I have in all classes combined thus far (by the way we are up to class # 32, only 66 classes to go until graduation!). Anyways, I survived (of course) but am very fatigued this weekend. Mentally and physically.

This weekend is going to consist of loads of studying! I know, you guys are all jelous, this all just sounds so fun right? Ha, I think I said something along the lines of this resembling HELL a couple of times this week. Complete and utter HELL. I mean really, there is not a lot of room during the week for comfort, joy, peace, relaxation, serenity, love, well anything good really. From the moment our alarms sound off Monday morning (boot camp style), we are completley emerged until we come up for air Saturday morning (which now are consumed with study groups and such). Good times. This morning I said to Heidi, this is intense college without the fun, without the parties and with a lot of torturous physical extertion. Its just great. "They" keep telling us to "enjoy every moment of this, because it will be over before we know it" and I keep questioning what part of "this" they are speaking of, because so far I am having a difficult time clarifying what moments here are "enjoyable"? Hmm... Pure sarcasm. Kinda.


I got more good news this week, the "real work" begins after graduation. Awesome! There is nothing better to hear while in the midst of all this craziness, that this is just the foundation. This road in a long one. One of the teachers said it best yesterday, she said, "If your students only knew what you went thru to become a Bikram Yoga Teacher, they would bow at your feet instead of complaining that you held them in Triangle for a few seconds too long" but unfortunately no one will ever be able to understand what we are going thru out here. With the exception of other Bikram Yoga teachers, so I am starting to really understand why this community is so strong and friedships created amongst us become lifelong.


Well, thats all I got for ya'll this week. Bottom line, I am cruising along, getting done what needs to be done and moving forward. Staying healthy and as happy as possible. If you feel like sending me some love, I would totally appreciate it. I am open to recieving as much love as possible right now. I beat myself up pretty good this week, oh the joys of being a perfectionist, and even though ultimately I am the only one resposible for providing unconditional love for myself, it is always nice to get some from those I love too.:)

I hope you are all well, staying happy and healthy! Please know that I send much love and light to you all after each and every one of my yoga classes. Its part of my post class meditation. I will continue to keep space in my heart reserved just for you!

With all my love,

xoxoxo

~Sasha