Week 8!

Check, Check, 1-2-3-4






BIKRAM IS BACK! Oh ya, and we felt it! So before I start in on my stories for the week, have I mentioned yet that this training is the first in about 8 years that Bikram has been so present? He has been here pretty much the entire time minus a couple weeks when he went globe trotting. I had no idea what having him here so much actually meant but to put in generally, it means WE GOT OUR ASSES KICKED!!! Bikram's yoga classes are always everyones most diffucult classes, I think for 2 reason, 1) you want to do your best for him and 2) he makes you do your best for him. He challenges you to your deepest core, its hard to explain HOW he actually does this, but he does. Every night when we exit his class, we all look like a different breed. Worked! His classes are always hotter, harder and heavier (mentally).

Monday. Bikram taught that night and like I said in my last blog, there was a lot of anticipation about class that night, I was nervous but promised myself to stay present (which is the absolute ONLY way to survive here) and try my best. So class was as hard as I thought is would be and then some! At the end of class Bikram told us that he was testing us the entire class and...WE WON! He was very happy! He said he tried to break us all night long and we just kept working hard, didnt give up and proved to him that we had been working really hard while he was away. I for one was relieved that he was pleased but in the back of my mind I had a feeling we werent getting off that easily.

Tuesday mornings class was taught entirely in Spanish. It was the first class I have taken in another language and I really enjoyed it. I was surprised that it really made no differnce that I coulnt understand what was being said, I know the yoga and therefore knew how to do the class in unison with everyone else. It was actually very meditative, you just flow with everyone and you stay very present becuase if you think about anything else besides each pose you will be lost. It was a nice change too. Anything differnt at this point is really nice. Tuesday night as you all know was the big election in the states and Bikram was so generous and let have the night off to "watch Obama win" as he put it, and we did just that with a pizza/election party in our friends room. It was one of the best nights here for sure. OBAMA! :)

That brings me to Thursday. Thursdays are always hard for me because I feel so close to the weekend yet its still not quite there yet. I am always pretty exhausted on Thursdays too, they tend to me my most challenging yoga days. Heidi, Niki and I had a luch date with Alison that day (yay, thanks again Alison for coming out to support us all, we loved having you here and appreciated your support so much), it was nice to sit and chat about being a teacher. Then we went to class that night and were a little surprised to not see Bikrams orange towel on his chair on stage. I didnt think too much about it, I thought maybe becuase he lectured all day that he just wasnt feeling up to teaching. So we did class with a visiting teacher, finished in 90 minutes and layed in Savasana when all of a sudden Manali came in and ordered everyone to stay on their mats and not move that we had a surprise....."Check, Check, 1-2-3-4" Oh hell! Bikram walks in, the lights turn on and he says "ok, lets start class" Pure terror went thru everyone. I thought, ok here we go, our tripple! There was massive amounts of crying, laying down, freaking out, my god it looked like a disaster scene. I kept calm and collected and geared up mentally for my thrid class of the day. I thought to myself, well Sash you have never done this before, lets see how strong you really are. And class began. I had no water since I finished my water in the first class. So I pretty thirsty but I thought, I have so much water in me (I have been so bloated out here, its insane) so I just kept telling myself I would be fine without water for another class, again how strong am I? They were allowing people to go out and refill their water bottles and they also had electrolytes too but honestly I didnt want to leave the room for room a couple of reasons 1) I have not left the room once during this trainig and made a deal with myself that I was not going to ever leave the room, so again it was a test of my mental strength and 2) I really thought that if I didnt stay present for 1 moment and allowed weakness or temptation to enter I would break down and not be able to finish class, I was determined to finish. Mid-way Bikram noticed a lot of us losing glucose and fading (I was becaming very dizzy and weak, I started to get a little worried that my body was not going to cooperate with my plan) and he asked who needed candy and few of us raised our hands, so he threw us some a Werther's and we continued. Not only did I finsh the class, I also did not sit out 1 posture nor take a knee! I was very proud of myself. I realized that night how mentally strong I really am. After class I had massive chills and felt exactly how I use to feel after finishing a marathon. Its a very distinct feeling. Its like you have the flu almost, chills, aches, your insides feel tight, headache, no appetite, and pure exhaustion. We also were informed we would have lecuture that evening starting at 10 pm! Yep, you heard me right, lecture STARTED at 10 pm! So Bikram let us know that again he was testing our mental strength, and I guess he just wanted to put a cherry on top of that test because he kept us until almost 3 AM! It was a doozie! Lets just say Friday was very tough, it was the first day I actually thought about skipping class in the morning and doing a make-up class on the weekend but I didnt, I kept true to the process with everyone else and obviously survived.

So that was our week with Bikram being back. It was rough and tough to say the least. I can honeslty say though, I kinda enjoyed the torture. I know I am sick, its the trainer in my though, I am always pushing myself past my limits to see what I am capable of. I learned I am one strong chick and can handle A LOT! It is very empowering! It is what makes my life so amazing and far from average. I dont settle. When you continue to push yourself, you continue to grow and explore new territories within yourself. Its times like those that you learn you really can do anything you put your mind to and thats what I live for, to live the best life there is to live. To do what makes me most happy no matter what it takes to get there. I wish that for everyone. And that is why this yoga is so amazing, because it builds that kind of strength within those who practise it. This yoga is very much a mental strengther along with a body healer and disease preventer. Its good stuff!

Now the WEEKEND! YAY! We all couldnt wait relax and chill. Saturday we did our usual shopping for the week of supplies, dropped off our laundry and got our coconut water! YUM! I will miss that coconut water soooo much! Then laid poolside with Niki and listened to tunes on our ipods. Then it was off to Carlo's casa for a beach house party! Bonfire, candles, reggae music, locals, surfers, and sweet conversations. Again, bittersweet though, loved it so much but the reality of it coming to an end also was hitting home pretty hard. I love it here. I am really going to miss all of this so much.

There is so much more I could go on and on about but time here is precious, in a week from right now, I will be on a plane back to Phoneix! I can hardly beleive it. It seems surreal. I am really having mixed feelings about this expereince coming to an end. I know I would NEVER want to do this again and yet its been the most amazing expereince of my life! I am beyond grateful for it and will cherish it for the rest of my life. All I can really do at this point is embrace every last minute here.

I wish you all much health and happiness.

Namaste~
Your Yogini
xoxox

Week 7!

Bananas and Bass

Week 7. I am finding it a little more difficult to write these blogs as time goes on, not sure why, maybe because time here is flying by at warp speed and I feel like there is barely time to take in everything that is happening. I am trying to just stay present in every moment here and in doing so you just kinda lose all the extra chatter in your mind about whats gone on, going on and going to go on. Staying present is very calming. Its funny how detached you become. I was just saying this morning that all the feelings of "missing" have kinda dissipated, not is a heartless way but more in a non-attachment way. Hard to explain but it is a very serene feeling; to just be happy where you are in the moment, not living in the future or past. No expectations and no regret. To just be.

Nicole's visit felt literally like a blink of an eye. Too fast for sure. It was so great to have her here though. We had some great dinner and breakfast talks and I even had the honor of having her in my posture clinic one day! No pressure, right? ;) THANK YOU again so much Nicole for coming out and supporting us, you have no idea how much it meant to me! Love you and see you soon.



This week was again full of dialogue, I always know when I have hit dialogue overload because I become very stressed and all the stress symptoms returned this week. No worries though, I got thru it and we only have 1 more posture to deliver! We had a few nice lectures that I really enjoyed, very contraversal but for me I agreed with a lot of the material presented so I really liked the conversations. Halloween was fun, for the evening class everyone wore orange and black or costumes, so the energy was really festive. Then for evening lecture they provided candy for us and a bunch of us dressed up in costume (Heidi and I were 80's chicks).



The weekend came super fast and we were excited to celebrate the Halloween Holiday Mexico style! A bunch of us girls headed into Acapulco town on Saturday night to see the Festival of the Dead, it was really cool, offerings were set up all over (these are like gravesites kinda, with flowers, candles, pictures, bread etc. they are offerings for the spirits when they return on that night). There were kids in costume "trick-or-treating". We had a nice little dinner in a reatuarant that overlooked the festival and then got some chocolate covered frozen bananas and headed for the disco public bus to take us to a night club where we were to meet up with some more yogis. So we get on this disco bus, blue lights and loud disco music pumping, it was a party in it self. Everyone took their places and I chose mine spot in the back of the bus where the bass was boomin' and when asked if I was ok back there, I smiled in delight and said "oh ya, I'm great back here with my banana and bass". It was a highlight for the evening for sure, guess you had to be there....









We just returned from Bonfil Playa once again after another great day at the beach! My heart is the most content at the ocean. I am really going to miss that beach and honestly am feeling a little bittersweet about there only being 2 more weeks of all this. I really love Acapulco, the people and culture, the beuty, its all so great and I am going to really miss it here.

So thats about it. Like I said, only 2 more weeks. Crazy. Bikram is back tomorrow and I am sure he will kick our asses in class for the last 2 weeks, I cant lie, I am nervous. I also am excited for his lectures again, I honestly have missed him, in a weird love/hate sorta way.

I wish you all much health, happiness and ease of well-being.

xoxoxo
Sash

P.S. THANK YOU to everyone who left a comment and all the support you all provided! So kind. I was very surprised to see that so many of you that are reading this blog have never met me but have found interest in my blog, so thank you. And if you have not yet left a comment, please do so, it truly is the highlight of my days here when I recieve a comment. :)

Week 6!

Oh so SIXy!




Another week down and only 3 more to go! Only 33 more yoga classes out of 97 total! 2/3 down, 1/3 left. It feels like we can finally see some light at the end of this long ass insane tunnel. Its relieving for sure!

Week 6 was the best yet. Rajashree returned on Monday (Raj is Bikrams's beautiful, graceful, powerful, intelliegent, caring and loving wife) and it was so amazing to hear her guide us thru the week with much ease. She taught class for us every morning, which was a complete treat. We then had lectures with her all week as well, all about the benefits of Bikram yoga. So inspiring! It was also a really nice break from posture clinics too. :) The concept of time here is a trip, the days and weeks in general fly by but the minutes and moments in themselves seem to be long and a lot of the time, painful. But all in all, we are flying right thru this with much ease, I have to say. I am very proud of Heidi and I, we spend minimal time complaining or speaking or thinking negative thoughts in general. Most of the time if they come up for one of us, we get them out and then move on. Its really nice. And I feel like it is such a great quality to have developed and stregthened here. I know in life there will always be days or things that just dont seem to go your way but if you can learn to move thru them as swiftly as possible the more room for positivity in your world and less room for negativity. So the goal I set last week to make the last 4 weeks as positive as possible, so far has been accomplished and I plan on keeping it that way!

The talks of graduation are starting to become more frequent amongst us students and the staff here and it feels a little unreal. It is a little bitter sweet I must admit, I have really made some great friends here and many that live very far away like-London...really Rachel? :( But the bright side of that is, TRAVELING to visit all these amazing friends. :) Today I said to Heidi that this little world we have created here is really feeling comfortable and normal. Scarry right? I still struggle every Saturday when we grocery shop though. My fitness mind that is obsessed with reading every label before buying anything, is still having a hard time with the kilogram/kcal spanish translations?? It will be such a treat to be back home and pick up a box and understand what is inside! I gotta say though, its quite stimulating, we really enjoy our trip to Mega a little more than we should probably.

Stress levels have been low this week and thank god for that, because I am not sure if some of the people here could take another hell week. I have heard a lot of elevator talk about frustrations people are going thru. I think a lot of people here just kinda hit their patience wall. Ya know? Its not easy living with 300 people. And we are together ALL THE TIME! There is really no such thing as your own space here, we live togther, eat together, study together, sweat together, learn together...we do it all TOGETHER! Its amazing how well we have gotten along. Next week should be another doozy, we have only 6 more postures to get thru and I predict we will finish this week, so its going to be mad studying and memorizing! I cant wait to finish though. :)

Nicole, our studio owner at PV arrives tomorrow and Heidi and I could not be more excited, we have been counting down the days until her arrival since we have been here. Its going to be so comforting to see a familiar face! YAY!! Oh and on that note, we are officially on the PV schedule as teachers!!! So exciting! Nervous excitement but excitement none the less. ;) For all you PV students, please be patient and bare with us as we work thru the kinks of teaching this wonderful yoga. When we teach our first class, it will be the first time that we will ever had said the entire dialogue all together! At training we learn one posture at a time and only say it once in front of the group, so you can only imagine what it will be like for us to say it all continuously and 2 sets of everything too! WHOA! It going to be quite the experience. Wish me luck! :) I can say with 100% certainty however that I am coming back to PV as a teacher to serve my students and I am fully committed to each and everyone of the students having and living the healthiest and best lives possible! I promise to give 100% of myself and all that I have learned here to you. It is my goal to share and spread my passion for this yoga with you all.

Tonight we have a special dinner for all us yogi's put on by the hotel, complete with a bon fire marshmellow roasting session on the beach! Yes! Then a few of us friends are gonna head to the reggae bar down the road to listen to some good music for a little bit. Tomorrow is surfing day! I cant wait! I have been looking forward to surfing all week! We have plans to head down to Bonfil Playa again to surf and study. :)

Thats it, things are all good. I am feeling really awesome. Lots of energy and stregth these days. I am in very positive spirits and overall just really happy.

I hope you are all well, happy and healthy!

Lots of love to you,

xoxox

Sash

P.S. I have one special request from all of you, if you are reading this blog will you PLEASE leave me a comment? At the bottom right here, you see where is says
0comments, if you click on that link you can leave a comment for me. I am very curious as to who has been following along with this blog and it would mean the world to me to find out, so please just take a minute and say hello, k? THANK YOU! :)

Week 5!

I'm still ALIVE!

This week has come and gone faster than all the weeks before. That is a good thing! A really, really good thing. :)

There is not a whole lot to report this week, maybe because it was a bit of a blur, the days were pretty much all the same (except for one really special night at lecture). We had posture clinics every afternoon for 4 hours and then again all the evenings too, another 2 hours, so there was a TON of memorization happening in my world. Maybe thats why the week was a blur, my brain was full of dialogue and there was not much room for any other thoughts... I dont know, I officially have "Yoga Brain".

We were blessed on Sunday night with news that we got approved to change rooms, yay! Thank you again so much for you help Joe! :) We are now proud tentants in the Princessa Tower, with an amazing ocean view and internet in our room (this is pure luxury here, I am SO grateful)! By the way our room # is now 2519, in case you would like to find me. It has made all the difference in the world being in a room where we get to watch the sunset over the ocean every single night and sleep with the sounds of waves crashing.

We had another little earthquake on Thursday night around midnight, its always a trip when your bed just starts shaking out of no where but they are not as scarry as before for me because we have had so many I guess I am kinda getting use to them.

So, the special lecture night, it was Thursay night, and it was a super powerful night for me. We had a really emotional heartfelt lecture lead by some senior teachers on the topic of "healing" and the healing power that takes place in our bodies, minds and souls because of this yoga. It was really beautiful and I feel honored to be a part of the conversation that night. Then Manali (who is Bikrams niece and his assistant) gave us a huge gift, our first Meditation. She lead us thru it with a chant from India that she has heard from her father since she was 5 years old. It was beyond beautiful. And there was some really amazing feelings and healing that took place in my heart that night. I am forever grateful for it. And I cant describe in words the vibe that was present when 300 of us chanted "Om" together to close the meditation. It was incredible. Manali let us know that the meditation that night was for us to "let go", she had been noticing that a lot of us were still holding on to so much stress and anxiety and she really expressed that it was time to let it go! She also said in order for that to happen two things really needed to be present; 1)happiness and 2) mercy (forgiveness). It really hit home for me because earlier that night I was looking at photo's of my life (which I really had not done since I have been here) and I told Heidi that I really was starting to see myself with different eyes. This is good because I think I have had a bit of a disorted self imagine for the last couple of years. It felt really awesome. The first day we were here Rajashree (Bikrams's wife) requested that we fall into unconditional love with ourselves while we are here. At the time I thought, ya that sounds good, but how do I do that? True, honest unconditional love, for myself? Well, my friends, I think the process has began and it has taken place completely organically. Authentically. Self Realization, is where true happiness lies and I am beginning to open my eyes to what it is all about. Anyways, I am probably getting a little deep for a blog but I wanted to share with you all that I am really finding true happiness in my own heart and realizing for the first time that happiness in my heart IS ultimate happiness. I spoke to my mom about this very topic before coming out here, remember mom? And she assured me that I would have some clarity on the many questions in my mind and she was right! Mom, you have no idea how present you were in my meditation that night, it literally brought tears to my eyes. You are an amazing woman and I am blessed to have you as my mom. Thank you for all that you have done for me, I am forever grateful. And thank you for being the amazing soul and source of love that you are. I love you deeply. xoxo ...And HAPPY early BIRTHDAY! :)

Wow, well, thats all I got. I am comitted to making the next 4 weeks as positive as possible, and trust me it is a conscience effort that has to be made every moment of every day here. Its easy to get wrapped up in the stress and negativity, we are all so exhausted, mentally, physicall, and emotionally that its a true challenge to stay strong. I have a feeling however that the next 4 weeks are going to go by quite rapidly, so I am committed to embracing them for all that they offer.

I send lots of love and light to you all and my hope is that your hearts are all happy and healthy! I miss you all very much.

Namaste,
~your yogi chick~

P. S.-PLEASE be sure and read my roomie Heidi's blog too! She does such an amazing job.



this is our view from our room :)

HALF WAY!!

Double Hump Day!

Today was a GOOD day! Its Wednesday (which yes we celebrate every week) and its also the official HALF WAY POINT of training!!! SWEETNESS!

Can hardly believe we are half way thru this and at the same time, I can hardly believe we are ONLY half way thru this. Either way, I am celebrating!

And, I have to admit tonight at Posture Clinic I actually went in to it feeling low energy, tired, sore, headache, simply not in the mood and ended up leaving at the end of the night on a happy high! My group is a total riot, we dominate the Posture Clinics, with our group 6 gang signs and raps, we are official the "ganster group" and we are on a serious mission to have fun! And tonight that finally happened complete with rhymes flowing and pre-jitter jiving, it was a good time....yep you heard me right, I laughed out loud and enjoyed the evening! FINALLY.

Oh and to kick it all off, they ended the class tonight by blaring Bon Jovi's, "Living on a Prayer", you know "whoa, we're half way there, whoa oh, living on a prayer, take my hand, we'll make I swear....". It was pretty funny, 300 people pumped in Savasana singing their sweaty hearts out. Ya, I know, we know how to have a fun around here. :)

Just wanted to fill you all in on my half way mark mood.

Namaste~

Week 4!

97% Humidity and Carbon Dioxide Overload

Well, well, well, this week started off very intense to say the least...Ok so I am sure you are starting to gather by now things here DONT get easier, and actually some senior teachers even admitted to us that this training is designed to continue to be extraordinarily difficult thru the entire 9 weeks, its all part of the "process".

So, Monday night's class with Bikram was intense (as always) but there seemed to be a lot less air in the "chamber" that night and many yogi's were down for the count, lots of throwing up, muscle cramps, crying, you know, the usual, but Bikram was not happy about this display going into week 4 and he let us know it, after telling us how lazy we were and how much he hated lazy people and some other encouraging words that I will leave to your imagination (and anyone who knows him can surely fill in the gaps) he made us all sit down before Camel so he could yell at us real good for at least 10 minutes before he got so updset that he took his mic off and walked out of the room commanding us to leave, class was over. Pure Silence. But what Bikram says goes, so I got up, rolled up my mat and headed on my way (truthfully, I couldnt wait to exit the torture chamber that night, I was craving AIR, speaking of craving, oh I will have to talk about those later). So as we filed into lecture with him that night, the mood was very somber. We were strictly instructed to not speak or move. It felt like we were 5 and in serious BIG trouble. When Bikram entered the first words out of his mouth were "what, is it someone's funeral?" "you guys think I am in a bad mood or something? I am not in a bad mood". We all sat there in pure curiousity as to what he was going to tell us next, especailly since we found out that Bikram has NEVER walked out of a class before. Anyways, he began to explain that something was not right with the room. He had a very strong feeling that something really had to be wrong, because there was no way we all should be struggling so much still. He recognized that we were all here because of our love for the this yoga and that we wanted nothing more than to try our hardest (especially for him) and do our best while in class. So being that this studio is the first he ever built in a basement, after speaking with other teachers, he called the engineer who built it and demanded he board a plane immediately and check the conditions of the room. So basically the research proved us not to be weak asses at all. As a matter of fact, the humidity in the room was reading 97%!!! Holy Hell! The humidity is usally 50% in a normal Bikram Yoga Class and for those of you who have done or do Bikram yoga know that at 50% you feel like you cant breath as is at times. The carbon dioxide levels are also very high due to the fact we are low in the basement and there is no fresh air. So with the combonation of breathing carbon dioxide and wet air, you can only imagine why the last 3 weeks have literally kicked our asses! Bikram really started to question things when triathletes were being sent home (out of training) due to being in the medical clinic too much and not being able to get health enough to practise. Sooo, there are now something like 15 fans that were installed all over the walls. Its helpful but the fresh air problem is still a present. It feels better but definitily not like home at all. We sat with two visiting teachers for lunch today and they said they couldnt belive how hot the room was, they said they never had to take a knee or lay down at all at their training and they admitted to spending most of the class on the their backs last night. Its intense. Bikram has said now more than once that he will never again build a studio in a basement, I cant say that I am happy to be the test tube on this one though. I think you got the point, ya? I have to say though, I feel pretty tough, I have been powering thru each and every class feeling pretty damn strong. Its been hard as hell, dont get me wrong when I say I feel strong but every single day I question how I am going to make it thru 2 of these damn classes but somehow I do and I feel like I get that much more strength to take with me when I leave.

Posture clinics have had their highs and lows for me this week, the "perfectionist" in me could say a lot more about this but as I learned, it is all just an excuse to make mistakes anyways and what purpose does that serve anyways? I am working thru some old baggage that I have been carrying around with me for many years and I am finally getting to the point in my life that I am ready to get rid of it for good! But truly I know that what I am going thru is exactly what I am meant to go thru, it is my path to my next destination. I am confident that one sort thru their shit before they find their true gem. Its hard to shine thru shit. ;)

The president of Mexico is here at the hotel this week, so thats exciting. Kinda.

There is warnings of Hurricane Odile approaching the pacific coast but even though the hotel is taking precautionary measures, it looks like Odile has taken a turn and should not hit landfall. However, we will most likely get a pretty nasty storm starting tonight. The only downfall to this news is that my girls and I had a whole beach day planned with one of the locals who is in training with us, his buddies and some other surfers here who were eager to get wet. I dont know if I mentioned this before but we have been advised to stay out of the ocean due to all the rain, apparently the run off here in Acapulco is far from pleasant and the sharks seem to be in full force having a good ol' time. So pretty bummed,I was really looking forward to a kickass beach day filled with tanning, surfing, fish tacos, a dj rocking some sweet tunes and of course DIALOGUE! :)

The evening lectures have been a bit tortuous in themselves to be quite honest, they are very long and pretty painful (my sciatica is not my friend during these nights especaially), physically and mentally. Just imagine working your ass off all day, and then having to go into a nightly lecture that starts at 9 pm and usually goes into the wee morning. Bikram has some great wisdom to share and truthfully I wish I had more energy to engage in the words he speaks but after a couple of hours of him lecturing, I am usually doing everything in my power to just keep my damn eyes from closing. Oh and even better, the Bollywood movies we have had the luxury of watching ;( Have you ever seen one? They are quite the experience. These movies NEVER end! I swear to god, these films are insane, the one we are in the middle of watching is 17 hours in total length! We have only watched something like 8 or so hours of it so far, if that, sooo... oh man just the thought makes me sick to my stomach. Subject change, quick...On a more positive note, you have no idea how good my bed feels at the end of the day though, oh, so good.

I think that wraps up all the excitement on this end. I recieved lots of love from you guys this week- THANK YOU!!! You made my week!;) You know who you are and I appreicate you so much!! I really appreicate you in my life and all of your love and support.

I send my love to you all and miss you all very much!

xoxoox

Namaste~
Sash

Sunday Update:

Just got back to the hotel after the most amazing day on the beach with the local boy here, his buddies and a crew of yogi's. Spent the day laying on the beach, listening to reggae, laying in hammocks, studying dialogue, eating fresh fish tacos, watching surfers and having some really good conversations....oh my heart is so HAPPY! I needed that so much! xoxo

Week 3!

Breakdowns and Breakthru's

Alright, so this week was definitely a doozie. I am so happy that it is behind me and according to my calculations, we are officially 1/3 of the way thru all this! Hell Ya! "They" said that we are no longer in the "counting down the days til we get to leave this place" stage but I beg to differ. I am counting. And every moment of everyday matters.

So the week started off pretty decent, had our first Anatomy test which I Aced with flying colors, actually I am pretty sure Heidi and I were the first two people to finish, and in record time none the less! So that was relieving. Then Posture Clinics started that night...for those of you who have no clue what the hell I am speaking about, Posture Clinics are little hotel suite gatherings with about 40 other students and 3 leaders (teachers) grading you on every move you make (literlally, they watch for how you move your arms, hands, eyes, every movemnt, no joke) and every word you speak as you dictate the dialogue as best you can under the oh so comfortable setting provided. :( Really, it is the most fucking nerve racking thing I have ever experienced. It is intense! I came here with very high standards for myself because I have been teaching, training and coaching for over 10 years now, so in my mind I thought, this is going to be a breeze. I am not affraid to speak in front of people, I am great at telling people what to do ;), I can do this no problem. WRONG! Nope! Nice try Sash! I love how almost every expectation I had coming here has been completely shattered into a million little pieces. Its just lovely. So as most of you know, I am a very driven chick, extreamly competitive and a complete PERFECTIONIST, which has served me many times in my life and has pushed me beyond limits most people would never think to explore HOWEVER here, in this enviornment, it has proven to be my worst enemy. So in the first couple of Posture Clinics, I was amongst the first to volunteer (remember, I am very confident at this point that I can do this with no worries) and as I started to spout out my dialgue, that I pracitised a million times, and knew very well, I came acrossed a point in which I forgot the next line and completely blanked on the rest. I mean completely blank. Which in turn made me very uncomfortable becuase I have never had that happen in all the years of me teaching and truly felt so out of character. I was out of my element and felt out of control, and for those of you who know me well, I like control, A LOT! So once again I got slammed on my ass and fell to the bottom of the sea, I was kissing the coral for sure!

Enter my amazing dad who sent me on my way to Mexico with a card that read on the outside envelope "Open When Needed" and Wednesday night, I needed it! Thank you so much Dad! Your card turned my world back around and I cant even express how grateful I am for you and the words you wrote to me, I love you deeply and am so grateful for you. Thank you Thank you Thank you! So to say the least I needed a turn around and thanks to my strong mind and determination (and the help of some really great friends here) I picked myself up and tried, tried again. But this time I succeeded! I rocked my 3rd posture clinic and nailed it! THANK GOD! I needed that! I knew as soon as I could got over my perfectionism and relaxed into it a bit I would do fine but hell that was a mountain to climb, I tell you what. I learned a lot about myself this week for sure.

Yoga this week kicked my ass too! It was weird, week 2 seemed like we all adjusted, then week 3 it was felt like we were fallen soldiers down again. I dont know. It felt like many people were expereincing break downs, mentally and physically. The torture chamber felt really extraordinarily blazing once again and classes felt like they were lasting days not minutes. It again (like week 1) took all I had to make it thru each and every day until FRIDAY! Friday rocked! Both of the yoga classes were taught by amazing visiting teachers, who kicked our asses but made us laugh more times than I have in all classes combined thus far (by the way we are up to class # 32, only 66 classes to go until graduation!). Anyways, I survived (of course) but am very fatigued this weekend. Mentally and physically.

This weekend is going to consist of loads of studying! I know, you guys are all jelous, this all just sounds so fun right? Ha, I think I said something along the lines of this resembling HELL a couple of times this week. Complete and utter HELL. I mean really, there is not a lot of room during the week for comfort, joy, peace, relaxation, serenity, love, well anything good really. From the moment our alarms sound off Monday morning (boot camp style), we are completley emerged until we come up for air Saturday morning (which now are consumed with study groups and such). Good times. This morning I said to Heidi, this is intense college without the fun, without the parties and with a lot of torturous physical extertion. Its just great. "They" keep telling us to "enjoy every moment of this, because it will be over before we know it" and I keep questioning what part of "this" they are speaking of, because so far I am having a difficult time clarifying what moments here are "enjoyable"? Hmm... Pure sarcasm. Kinda.


I got more good news this week, the "real work" begins after graduation. Awesome! There is nothing better to hear while in the midst of all this craziness, that this is just the foundation. This road in a long one. One of the teachers said it best yesterday, she said, "If your students only knew what you went thru to become a Bikram Yoga Teacher, they would bow at your feet instead of complaining that you held them in Triangle for a few seconds too long" but unfortunately no one will ever be able to understand what we are going thru out here. With the exception of other Bikram Yoga teachers, so I am starting to really understand why this community is so strong and friedships created amongst us become lifelong.


Well, thats all I got for ya'll this week. Bottom line, I am cruising along, getting done what needs to be done and moving forward. Staying healthy and as happy as possible. If you feel like sending me some love, I would totally appreciate it. I am open to recieving as much love as possible right now. I beat myself up pretty good this week, oh the joys of being a perfectionist, and even though ultimately I am the only one resposible for providing unconditional love for myself, it is always nice to get some from those I love too.:)

I hope you are all well, staying happy and healthy! Please know that I send much love and light to you all after each and every one of my yoga classes. Its part of my post class meditation. I will continue to keep space in my heart reserved just for you!

With all my love,

xoxoxo

~Sasha